Phil Robertson's Revenge
by Stoned Loki Incarnate
Summary: Duck Dynasty/Duck Hunt crossover. Phil Robertson, the head of the redneck Robertson family, is accompanied by Kay looking for ducks to shoot when he comes across an old nemesis of his in the tall grass.


**Fans of duck dynasty, don't kill me. I've never seen the show, so I don't know who the Robertsons are or what they're like. This is just an idea I had because they're both related to ducks. That's all. :3**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

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Phil and Kay Robertson went out walking in the wilderness to shoot some ducks, blowing the "Duck Commander" duck call that Phil was famous for inventing. They both had their guns handy, one hand holding the grip and the other dangling next to the trigger, aimed dangerous close to their feet as they walked.

"Hey Phil," Kay asked, "You think these guns are really necessary? I mean, we got nets. We can just use our stealth to sneak up on them and BLAM!, we got 'em covered!" Kay's shout spooked the nearby ducks in the tall grass. They frantically flew in multiple directions, trying to dodge any chance of getting hit by the scattershot of the shotgun. Phil calmly aimed in its direction and pulled the trigger, nailing it midair. The duck fell face-first into the tall grass, escaping visibility.

"We're lazy f*cks, Kay," Phil replied, "Guns make hunting a walk in the park, especially for guys like us. We don't wanna be wasting no time sneaking up on a bunch of birds. That's just asinine."

The two duck hunters walked toward the tall grass to claim their trophy, but something made the grass rustle. Kay could hear the sound of frantic sniffing.

"Aw, hell no!" Kay whined, "He's gonna steal our prize, Phil! We gotta do something!"

Phil held out his hand to silence Kay, standing perfectly still and expecting Kay to do the same. The sniffing stopped, followed by more rustling and finally the sound of a beastly chuckle. Phil sighed, putting his hand to his face.

"This sonuvabitch…" he sighed, "I knew the say would come."

"When what day would come, Phil?"

"Keep your mouth shut. I'm gonna take that beast out once and for all!"

Kay was about to ask which beast Phil was talking about, but Phil was focused and frustration, which was more than enough to not talk to him. Phil had his gun held firmly on his shoulder. One hand tightly grasped the grip along the near-side of the barrel while the other lingered next to the trigger.

"Hey Kay," he said, "Shout something."

"Like what?"

Phil groaned, "Anything, ya half-wit!" Phil's frustration was enough to spook two more ducks out of the grass. Phil wasted no time trying to aim. He shot twice in what appeared to be random directions, but both ducks fell. Phil put a finger on his lips, gesturing Kay to be quiet, which Kay obeyed. Silence lingered with the echo of the gunshot, soon to be joined by the chuckle of the beast that was in the grass. It appeared to be much happier at the grown number of meals at its disposal, which made it stand up in joy. At this moment, Phil aimed his gun square in the middle of its face.

Kay's eyes widened, "Phil, you ain't about to shoot tha dog, are ya?" Phil ignored him, firing on sight. The dog's joyous chuckle was silenced immediately as it fell backwards, dead. The duck was still gripped in its paws along with the other one before in its other paw.

"Phil… you just killed a dog."

"Oh, that ain't no dog…" Phil coldly responded, "That dog's been taunting me since 1984. I've hated that sonuvabitch since then. I oughta f*cking sue Nintendo for making be deal with his chuckling ass."

Kay was confused, "What the hell is a Nintendo?"

"It doesn't matter. Let's just get our dinner and get outta here!"

Phil and Kay grabbed the three dead ducks in the grass, "Hey Phil… you wanna eat the dog too?"

"Nah, just leave him. In fact, put him right along the edge of the grass where everyone can see him. Then put a sign up next to him telling Nintendo that they can kiss my redneck ass!"

They departed. One week later, another duck hunter came across the sign next to the dead dog, calling Nintendo to send the message. Nintendo was outraged and made a game called "Duck Bangers" to parody the Robertson's reality TV show. Within a few months, Duck Dynasty became a TV show about heavily-bearded rednecks fighting video-game characters, which doubled its popularity.


End file.
